bcsnoopy's Xanga

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 15:42:10 GMT

Yea, my birthday just passed, 22 now, but who cares?

"If no one remember your birthday, who cares where you are and whether your exist or not?"

P.S. thank you to those who send me a message or e-card to me

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 01:51:09 GMT

Did not come here for months..almost forget my pw

Just asking about thxgiving trip...ideas or planned trips? like to join one of them so just IM me...

But i guess no one is reading this anywayz?

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 13:59:32 GMT

I start to have no interest to write my xanga, suppose I plan to act as my personal diary, then become a place where people understand me, and now, since no one is reading this it becomes my personal private diary again. Everyday i'm not looking at how many people leaving eprops or stuff, i'm just reading others digest and see how happy and fun they are.

Don't mislead by my friendster, I don't know whether there's 10% of those friends are actually active (i mean contract with me) and 5% of those are actually my good friends I would say. I'm sorry if I hurt someone's heart but yea, i seriously thinking how many friends I actually have.

if u still want me to update it maybe u can send some eprops and i see what i can do but if no one is reading then what's the point for me to write something that is public but only me reading this. Is sometimes very funny that whenever i'm sad, only those who i don't talk that much or that close will ask me and care about me. Maybe the more u invest in ur friendship the less u gain? I don't mean that the structure of friendship is when ur friends are good to u, u pay back what he/she did. But sometimes to have friends is to share happiness and care about others. I should think again the definition of it, maybe.

lots of friends, but actaully just know each other and never talk a word. I lost a good friend that I know for a few years in the internet because we never talk to each other. I wonder friends really exist when we never contact and stuff, or that's the 21 century friendship?if so, sorry maybe i'm too old to accept this.

maybe i'm just not that 'worth' to talk and have fun with. yea, i don't talk much and go out with YOU guys. I start to feel like i'm 14-15 old when I just alone at home and never go out, but at least at that time I have target and try to know friends (basically knowing gfs) but now i just don't have both. I still miss my 19th birthday in NMH with surprise when i expect to let it go by. Maybe that's my last best b-day I got, yea, who still remember my b-day without looking at my info? i bet just 3-4 of them....

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 09:59:51 GMT

I made a new website for those RHS buddies:

http://www.xanga.com/RHS6C_97

welcome everyone to visit it

Friday, June 03, 2005

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 07:11:49 GMT

'Live free or die'

I always feel that free is just inborn, I can do whatever you want. I always feel this way, but now i start to feel this is not case. You can check the dictionary of any publisher and have an explanation of it, but now i get a new definition of it. What is free? When i'm getting older and older, i start to feel there's no freedom at all. Yea, everyone say I can have fun, find whatever job, do whatever stuff...really? at least i don't. I feel like i'm a mouse always can look out of the world but never can get out of the cage. I can't do whatever I want, I can do what people expect or planned to do. Do I ever have a freedom? Why can't I just find my own job? why can't I just do what I want to do? why i need to consider this and that? I'm selfish, who is not selfish here? who, humans, are not selfish? For my sake? I dont' think so, i just being a pupet controlled by others...do I have freedom? why..why......

I don't feel what others feel. Everyone have what they get, can get a job, can get a lot of friends, have a lot of fun. Why can't I have anything? I know someone have stuff others don't, but i don't own anything...anything...why.......Everyday I look at the world, everything is colorful, but in my mind, is just like black and white, where's my interest? where's my aim? I just loose my motivation..because everything I did won't give me a good result. Is very ionic when I can see but what i can see is just black and white no matter how beautiful and colorful anything is...i dont' have interest in everything, any clothes, shoes, everything..why. I remember i heard something from a famous author who blind when she was young...she said even she is blind..what she see is beautiful and colorful...I start to understand why a lot of books end like this, when you die, you will be free. A mice can free only when they die..

So what's the worth of my existance? I just hope someone told me 'your a loser, get lost' then giving me hope when I start to give up all. Why do you want me to do that? Is it FUN??? whoever above the sky......

Friday, May 27, 2005

Fri, 27 May 2005 04:36:23 GMT

serious sickness...i been high fever for 3 days in the row...the medicine is not making me much better now...i don't know if is just normal flu or something big, but i just try to use the strength i have now to write here...i might turn out to be in the hospital, or news or...anywayz....maybe this is my last word here...or not...who knows...............

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Sun, 15 May 2005 09:51:33 GMT

I'm not sure if a lot of people think i'm dead because i didn't update this for 3 months, i'm sure it is a disapointment for some of you that i'm still exist. The main reason for this is i don't have time to update this, but the reason behind all of this is....i don't know what to write and..who will really care what i'm writing here?

Is been a long time i write something long excluding the work throughout the whole sem. It looks like the same me for these few months but actaully i'm no longer the guy i'm been during christmas. After the alone week in spring, i start to think about myself as a whole. Even though there aren't anything happen during the week, the way i think is way different. Starting to think anything in the negative side, and no hope with no aim.....

Yea...i'm mentally ill...but there's nothing i can do about it, i tried not to think this way, but the world makes me to think this way. My hard work won't turn to be good, i'm a devil and bad person, i'm alone even i try to be with everyone. What can I do? trust? i just believe what i'm looking at now.

Maybe is not the first time i wrote this but i guess...i'll live alone with myself, thinking for myself....why should i think of others? there's no one will care what i do..do u think so?

who cares..I might laugh at myself thinking this way a few years later, maybe i just agree no more about what i was thinking now. When i came back and my mom talking about my future wife and stuff...i just can laugh in my heart that this is no longer necessary to make up the requirements, since i have no friends and no love....everyone has it doesn't mean your deserve to have it, just like people having no food and education.

I have a message for you, yea, if you get or even going to read this, the good good friend i know in icq for years and feel anyry about the message i sent to you in the christmas period, I don't know if your blocking me or delete my name from the list or whatever, I might use the wrong wording and make you sick about it, i just hope u at least reply me here.....i'm just want to be serious about friends and i'm treasuring about what we did, i hope we can be friends again, but i hope you will treasure the same way as me and if you don't reply, either you read this or not, just good luck on ur a-levels and wish u the best of luck in everything..Thank you.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 05:02:09 GMT

Warm and cold...just weird February..

Not a very good start sem...everything not going too well and actaully kinda bad...starting my soph year i can't keep my momentum anymore...even though getting A's last sem. but if looking closely to the score i got is actaully don't worth to get A...i'm just the edge of it. And this sem..just a lot of hard stuff...can't think and study...ai.....in group work...it seems i'm not giving ideas and work...i ask to help and do the work but my teammates just not giving me any work..maybe they think i suck........AI.........What happen?...what happen to the scores i got in freshmen and senior in NMH? my luck is getting away.....no future..so many pressure......dim suen..

Does that mean that's the end of me?

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 00:10:12 GMT

This sem will be VERY busy for me, so I won't write very often..but I try to update...like at least once per month...

I just started to understand the electric circuit stuff, I need to work hard on this or else how can I be a EE? Already got a lot of work in the engineering design class, meeting at least once a week..ai.....and test next week....damn..

New year on wednesday, wish you all have a nice year of chicken! clean the house today? is year 28...but i'm not too free to do that...

Birthday month again, happy to those having Bday this two weeks, like shirley, bernard, charis, jo, ken, my cousin sunny, etc....wow..so many people's bday, what's wrong with april?Wish you all have a great bday and valentines coming too.....have fun on that day too.....no difference for me..who cares?

Want to learn guitar..but no time even the guitar is here.....but going to master it asap.....work HARD!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 18:35:46 GMT

sometimes is just can't imagine some stuff will happen to me like that...maybe that's part of my life training i guess....go'na watch out....

I have some update in my xanga..come and check it out...but not a lot people care about this i guess...right?